After a bittersweet civilised mutual split, I couldn’t help
but wonder what a persons’ favourite pastime post-break up may be?
Do all Women become a forever alone, Bridget Jones wonnabe,
with sweats, joggers and onsies, ice cream and the occasional bottle of wine?
Or do we all become reckless and jump on the nightclub and rebound bandwagon?
I decided to ask my guys and gals what their break up
bonanza is and how best to deal with this sometimes sticky situation. After all
not everyone can have a Gwyneth Pawltrow and Chris Martin conscious uncoupling,
or can they?
Whilst many of the girls I asked portrayed subtle signs of
the stereotypical Bridget Jones Phenomenon, they indicated that this ‘mourning’
phase didn’t last long. Whilst questions asked during this period are often
self-reflective, they are of the negative sort: why me? Is it my entire fault?
Am I really that unlovable? Whilst I did not really go through this phase, it
can occur in time capsules of a couple of hours to a couple of weeks. The
sooner you’re out of the slump the better. Whilst in this melancholic period of
time, choose to do things that will raise your mood, girlie chick flicks,
sci-fi, and action whatever makes you feel good films, delicious food, healthy
food, and shower, keep up personal
hygiene, motivational music is also brilliant. Your mood should levitate in no
time.
Drinking away your problems will not solve your problems,
this should not be seen as an escape mechanism, but if you want to have a fun
night out or sociable drink then by all
means, go ahead. Make sure not to associate alcohol with having a good time,
you can enjoy yourself just as much without the beer goggles. Beer goggles,
which can lead to that drunken text, or that drunken rebound? Whilst the
rebound is a common way of ‘getting over someone by getting under someone’, it
is often self-destructive and de-moralising, it’s a situation which you may not
be mentally prepared for.
After a negative experience, no matter how pleasant it may
have seemed on the exterior or to a third party. I believe it’s always best not
to dwell in negative emotions, wallowing in self-pity, and progressing negative
attitudes and thoughts will possibly just wreck your self-esteem that little bit
more.
Creating positive energy around you is important in
day-to-day life, and is possibly one of the best ways and regain your
self-confidence. Why not buy those new gorgeous boots that make your legs look
endless? Go for that haircut/colour you've always wanted! Read that book that
sends you to a magical place/other universe! Travel places you've always wanted
to go! You’re single and the world is your oyster. Whether you do these things
alone or with a friend, they are guaranteed to boost your confidence and help
you realise a break up really isn't the end of the world. A break up is an
opportunity for you to rediscover yourself and establish who you are and what
you want. After all is this person
really worth your time/tears any more?
The people I asked all agree and said that once they put
their mind to something positive and that they felt passionate about they
started to feel better, and more self-confident. These projects were as
different as starting a web-page, starting to learn and passing their driving
test, getting a new haircut or going on a shopping spree, starting/continuing
their new Blog (guilty of that one!), going to the gym/running/yoga, just going
for long autumn walks, and reading hat
book/seeing that film they've always wanted to see.
They all realised that when
they concentrated on themselves and starting to find out who they were, gaining
more confidence they started to find they were more happy and felt less
negatively about the whole breakup situation, with some eve remaining friends
with their ex’s.
You’re probably a lot stronger than you think, you can be
independent, it’s important to love yourself and be happy in your own skin
before trying to love someone else or asking someone to love you.
A few break up DO’s and DON’Ts:
- DO be as civilised as you can and listen and try to understand each other and the reason for the split
- DON’T become angry and bitter over a small (probably insignificant in the future) situation or misunderstanding, you did at some time like this person
- Do Have a day or two to yourself watching movies and being an ice cream loving couch potato
- DON’T let these few days turn into a week or longer
- DO something creative, whether it be fashion, beauty, literature, photography, art, or anything else you can think of, expand your mind and knowledge
- DON’T post hatred or grief over social media; no one likes a moaner, keep your dignity intact, please
- DO keep thinking positive and SMILE (it really does confuse people) Laughter is the best medicine and it’s free
- DON’T expect to be over this person in a day (if you are then great) but depending on the length and depth of your relationship it may take longer
- DO take every day at a time, find something positive about yourself every day, and why not give yourself a little treat?
- DON’T jump onto the first person that comes along, it may not be as good for you as you thought(given that everyone is different and move at different paces) but respecting yourself is most important
- DO accept what has happened and move on. Everything happens for a reason, this person wasn't right for you at this time, you really never know what the future holds.
Remember -no matter what happens- to keep your chin up and
look for inspiration in the right role models, thinking and feeling positive
about the situation and yourself is the key to stay happy and achieving
self-confidence again.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this post! As always
please feel free to comment away and come back to read my next post!
Much loves x
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